How do you Stop Overthinking?
You wake up in the middle of the night and your thoughts start racing, carrying you away with them, as if caught in a torrential river. You toss and turn and before you know it, hours have gone by. It’s now the break of dawn and sleep has eluded you once more. You realise the very thing that was bothering you, would have been better solved, were you well-rested.
While thinking can be helpful, most of the time, it is useless and destructive. If there is presently nothing you can do about that which you are worrying, such as, when you’re lying in bed at night, thinking only adds to your stress. It exacerbates physiological symptoms of anxiety, robbing you of the balance and rest your body needs.
Allocating time to have reprieve from thinking and practicing this skill can be very helpful. But before we get to that, I’d like to address a common pitfall that is often overlooked. Determination to stop thinking, on its own, does not provide a solution. You may have noticed if you say to yourself, ‘okay, I’m going to stop thinking now’ it doesn’t work and only makes you feel tense. So, if being determined to stop thinking doesn’t work, what does?
Firstly, your mind has the capacity to project into imagined timelines. It can remember the past, which only exists as a memory trace in your brain. The past happened as a former now moment and so, is no longer accessible. This means, at best, the only thing you can do about the past is learn from it and inform your decisions moving forward. This brings us to the future, which, incidentally, also does not yet exist. It is an imaginary projection of what might happen. When your mind goes excessively to the future, understandably, you will feel anxious, as there is not a lot you can do to manage the myriad possibilities. When the future comes, it will do so as a now moment. You can rehearse and plan as best as you can and then, you must deal with the future, when it arrives, in the now. If you have certain thoughts incessantly nagging at you, allocating time specifically for planning and reflecting can be helpful. Get your thoughts out of your mind and onto a piece of paper using a notepad or workbook. This allows you to express that which is vying for your attention, so you can free yourself for present moment awareness.
So, the mind has the capability to flip and flop in and out of past and future but your life only ever takes place now. If you can bring your mind to this moment periodically, you can find a sense of relief. This can require practice but I will give you some tips to help you find a technique that works for you, since not every technique is effective for each individual.
If the mind has some momentum, trying to stop thinking can be extremely difficult. I recommend, instead, diverting your attention. You could put your mind to use in a more productive way, such as, using positive affirmations. This gives your mind a task to keep it busy and serves you by re-wiring your brain. An affirmation such as, ‘as I focus upon this moment, my thoughts become calm’ will provide a nice stepping stone but your affirmation could be anything. You may even like one to help you create a new manifestation, such as, ‘I am worthy of that which I desire.’
However, if you have great momentum with your thoughts, you may need something in the moment that is very demanding of your attention, such as, vigorous exercise. You may have noticed after vigorous exercise you feel great. There is a stillness that comes over you. This is, in part, due to hormonal changes taking place within the body. But there are other factors at play, such as, training your attention into the moment for a period of time. Any vigorous exercise will help calm the mind in this way. Exercise requiring great coordination is also excellent for training mental focus. For example, boxing & martial arts, Pilates reformer classes, Yoga Asana and surfing all require sustained mental concentration. However, unless you have a well-equipped home gym, it’s not easy to perform some of these activities at all, let alone in the middle of the night. Even so, being intentional about giving your attention to any physical activity whilst you are engaged with it, will begin teaching your mind to rest upon the moment; a skill that is applicable to any situation. This will help you take note of the present time more easily when it comes to other, less vigorous practices, which I will mention now.
As mentioned earlier, if you can bring your attention to things that are in the now, you will find relief from your thoughts. If you can find something that is not overly intellectually stimulating, this can allow the mind to naturally slow, even becoming still altogether. When this happens, you will find peace arising. While these activities require little of you, you will bring attention fully to them. Some examples include; patting your cat, gazing at the fireplace or a candle, going for a walk in nature and taking note of the sky, the trees or a body of water, noticing reflections from the surface of water, noting the emerald green of leaves backlit by the sun and so much more. If nature is not easy to find where you live, you might simply note the textures of objects around you and how light touches the walls of your home and the way objects appear to ‘stand out’ in the space surrounding them. Simply take time, to witness the world around you. What can you hear? What can you smell? What sensations do you feel on your skin? Can you observe these things with the senses, without naming them or thinking about them? In this way, you are literally ‘coming to your senses.’
Allocating time, even if it is fifteen minutes a day, to observe the world around you can make a huge difference. You are teaching your mind a new habit; a habit of regularly attending to that which is happening in the now. As you do so, thoughts will naturally calm and oftentimes, completely fall away.
Once you have practiced using the world to calm your mind, you may like to go even deeper into the one thing that is always in the moment; your physical body. Unlike your mind, your body is incapable of time-travel. It is always your anchor to this moment. It’s possible you may not like what you find when you first rest your attention upon your body, which is why I recommend exercise and other external present moment practices. So, if you find discomfort in your body, please note, it will pass or shift, as you witness it without adding any further tension. Can you allow the discomfort to be there and simply observe? If you have pain, there will be another part of the body that feels relatively good. Can you take your attention to that part instead?
Setting aside time to focus upon the breath is another great way to divert your mind to the present moment. This can additionally provide reprieve from physical discomfort. Bring your attention to your breath and simply witness, without trying to change your breath in any way. Stay with this practice for a while and note how you feel. If your mind is still busy, instead of merely observing the breath, try inhaling for a count of four and exhaling for a count of six. Alternatively, you can simply observe the breath whilst simultaneously imagining any tension or tightness releasing with each breath. Bring your attention to one part of the body at a time and tell each part to ‘relax’ and ‘release,’ noting as tension abates from the muscles. Another helpful technique is to imagine your attention moving from the toes all the way up the body to the head, with each in-breath. With each out breath, return your attention from the head to the toes. Aim to do this for ten or fifteen minutes and if the mind wanders, simply notice and bring the attention back to the practice.
The mind will wander and drift off into thinking at first, so keep diverting your attention to the body. It’s perfectly natural for the mind to do this and I advise refraining from concern. Any stress or tension at this point is the antithesis of what we hope to achieve through quelling overthinking. So, if the mind wanders, it’s okay. Simply notice. Keep bringing the mind back. You will be able to sustain attention longer and longer over time. This practice will serve you well when it comes time to sleep at night. Having exercised all the ants out of your pants, your body will be able to relax deeply. You will have written down the things that will need attending to tomorrow, so they’re out of your mind and you will lay there with your attention on the body and the breath. You will drift peacefully and if the mind wanders, you will bring it back to the body and back to the breath. You will use this skill to enjoy a moment by the fire patting your cat. If the mind wanders, you can bring it back to the moment, back to your body and breath and back to your cat. In fact, when you get really good at it, you will be able to apply the relaxation gained to other situations that once bothered you. You will bring your attention to your moments more and life will not pass you by as a flurry of hypothetical thoughts. It will now be possible to be here fully, show up for life and experience more peace than before. And this is just the beginning. To discover more of what is possible, you may like to read my book ‘They Came to Wake Me – True Stories of Angels, Healing & Mystical Encounters.’
Much love xo
