Fear of Dying: Discover Effective Coping Strategies

Death is an experience that will affect each of you reading this. Some of you will have died already and returned (through resuscitation) in what is commonly known as a Near Death Experience (NDE). Some of you have lost loved ones, including pets. And all of you will one day make your final transition.

There are those of us who have past life memories, memories of dying and memories of being born, many of which I share in my book ‘They Came to Wake Me – True Stories of Angels, Healing & Mystical Encounters’ but my understanding is this is not overly common in Western society. Even those of us who remember cannot definitively tell you what you will experience upon transitioning with absolute certainty.

We do not talk about death enough in the West. There is therefore great fear and uncertainty around it. I plan to share more of my experiences and memories over time but for now I will keep this information generic, as a kind of overview.

The transition of you is not a bad thing, nor is it the end. There is no end. On some level you already know this. You have known this since you were a child when you were unable to imagine not existing. You sense it in your still moments, in presence, ‘in the zone’ and in the flow state of ease and joy.

All experiences are available to you now. You cannot miss out, ever. Why? There is no time that is not now. In the physical reality, yes, we see the effects of time but all events leading to those effects happened in the now. Beyond the physical realms, time has even less relevance. We measure time through physical phenomena, that is, the movement of objects relative to one another in space. One day is the rotation of the earth upon its axis marked by the apparent sunrise and sunset. One year is the number of rotations (days) it takes for the earth to orbit the sun. These figures change slightly due to variations, such as, the earth’s rotation speed. Our calendars are not perfect. We base our measurement of time on physical events that are meaningful to us here on earth. In our physical reality there are multitudes of layers and dimensions that afford creation and experiences. We are in one such dimension now; a dimension of what we could term ‘frozen thought’ where ideas are created and remain for a time as physical constructs.

We are in a relatively ‘heavy’ reality now. We have seemingly heavy bodies and perhaps, at times, we also have ‘heavy’ hearts and minds. We are burdened by this experience of life and seeming separation. To be alive as a human on the earth is to experience an extremely limited perspective.

When the human mind is overactive, it masquerades as you. It blocks your ability to sense the depths of your being and the expansiveness that you are. Life becomes dull and lacklustre. The mind keeps your attention trapped in its movements. It entices you with fear and drama, imagined scenarios, remembering past difficulties and projecting into the many possibilities of what could go wrong. It likes having problems and puzzles to chew on and things to figure out. When you train your mind to positive thinking, it will lure you in with lovely fantasies; fun and joyful possibilities for the future of who you could be and who you are becoming. Yes, life is better in the future, according to your mind. 

While one is a marginal improvement on the other, either way, this is a trap. Positive thinking is still preferable. If your mind is going to absorb your attention, you might as well use it to your benefit. But it is still a trap. The mind will insist on being anywhere except the only place where life is, the only place where your joy and power are, that is, the now. 

If you can go beyond thinking at times, you will sense the depths of your being, you will know your vastness and you will know your continuity. I cannot convince you that you are eternal. I can only encourage you to enter the stillness, allow the mind to calm and know it for yourself. So, if you are attending to a menial task, it is a wonderful opportunity to practice bringing your attention momentarily out of the mind and into the body. A great way to do this is by ‘coming to your senses’ while you are performing a task where thinking is not required, like washing the dishes, for example. Can you watch what you are doing with keen attentiveness, noticing the rainbows in the soap suds? Can you feel the sensation of the warm water on your skin? What do you hear? What do you smell? Are you able to simply observe the physical experience, without adding any thought to it?

This practice seems ordinary, I know. It is this very ordinariness that is often overlooked by us modern humans. The ordinary moments, however, make up the majority of life. If we overlook them, we overlook life. Life goes by unnoticed and it passes us by. The stillness is subtle at first; the peace that comes is subtle. As you practice this often, there will be times when you will be aware of the stillness within. This is when you can know your continuity. In this moment, you simply are.     

It’s not surprising that fear of dying is exceedingly common. Even within the process of spiritual awakening, there is fear of dying. As the conditioned past in you dissolves, this represents a death of sorts. There are parts of you that may be afraid to let go of their existence. But as A Course in Miracles states, ‘Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.’ The parts of you that die are not the truth of your being and that which is you cannot die.

I am aware this cannot be confirmed with absolute certainty using scientific methods. This is not something to believe in as a concept. Your mind cannot adequately comprehend death. In fact, the mind will never be satisfied without proof. Awareness of your eternal nature is not something for which definitive proof is possible. If, however, you want to believe in a concept about the afterlife and if it comforts you, what does it matter if it is real or not? So, if you cannot yet sense the depths of your being, you can absolutely tell yourself positive things about dying. However, I encourage you to move deeper than that or at least have the intention of glimpsing your eternal nature.

In my writing, I cannot claim to know the grand mysteries of the universe with absolute conviction. Nobody can. I can only share my experiences with astute observation and as little bias as possible. My work then is to direct you to the information for yourself. It’s like I am a librarian at a library. We are all in the library and you come to me and say, ‘I would like to know about dying’ but I do not tell you about dying. Instead, I direct you to the books about dying, so that you can read and learn about it for yourself.

So, engage with the practice of fully inhabiting your ordinary moments. Find the stillness within, as often as you remember to do so. Notice the patterns that are not who you are. Bring awareness to those patterns and recognise that you are the awareness, not the pattern. The false is the pattern, the real is the awareness. As you do this, more and more, the false will dissolve and the real will emerge. Fear of dying dissolves and a knowing that you are emerges powerfully.

Oh, and for those of you with a busy mind, do your best to stop analysing even if just for a short while. Give yourself some reprieve from constantly trying to figure it all out. You don’t have to know it all! You cannot know everything! It is impossible for one human to know everything. Real intelligence emerges out of stillness. Powerful knowing emerges out of stillness. Trying to figure things out just results in the mind tying itself into knots. If you have a problem to solve, find stillness first, ask the question and let it go. The answer will come only when you release the problem. 

So, I encourage you to make space in your life. Set aside time for stillness. Dedicate yourself to this practice. Go deep within and sense the timeless essence of you, the continuity, the eternal nature, that which is, now, all ways, always.

For meditations to help with this, visit my meditations page.

Much love on your journey xo