My Awakening Happened so Gradually, I didn’t Notice
I felt neurotic for a very long time. Intense suffering in my early adulthood forced me to seek answers, which I did by attending a weekly meditation class. This class formed the basis of my spiritual awakening but it wasn’t all chanting, angels and rainbows.
I had a lot of healing to do and had I known the extent of untangling that was required, I may never have begun the journey in the first place.
When I was twenty years old, I found the book ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle and I have read it on repeat ever since. I have done so to spend time connecting with the author and joining him in the state of ‘presence.’
Over the last twenty-three years, I have been practicing presence using many different techniques and I came to accept that perhaps awakening fully wasn’t a part of my destiny in this lifetime. I have had many spiritual awakenings and spent time in intense stillness and bliss, always to return to a ‘regular’ state of consciousness.
It wasn’t until a recent experience throwing me into my old state of consciousness that I realised, I have, in fact, come a long way. It was sparked by my class on Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Cultural Safety. It was a large class with people I didn’t know and I was very outspoken, sharing lived experience. After the first class, I was anxious about having shared. My mind was in a whirlwind of thoughts; ‘what if I shared too much?’ ‘Maybe I should have said this… maybe I shouldn’t have said that…’ and on it went. I noticed my thoughts and I noticed the anxiety they were producing. I also knew it would settle and subside in time, so I simply watched and allowed the thoughts to be.
Fortunately, my years of meditation practice taught me no inner state persists for long, especially if we are accepting of that state. I knew how to observe without reacting. I knew how to embrace my moment and accept what was presenting to me, in this instance, a busy mind. After about twenty-four hours, my mind returned to its settled state and my emotional balance returned.
It was only then I realised what life is like in a regular state of consciousness and that my regular state is significantly peaceful. I realised this was my ‘old’ state of consciousness from more than twenty years ago when I first began meditating. I felt so blessed this experience visited with me. It showed me my awakening had happened so gradually, I didn’t even notice!
Now, it would seem there’s not a whole lot of point in knowing whether you’re awakened or not. Either you’re peaceful or you’re not. Except, I know everything happens for a reason. One, it helps when we can measure progress. This is an excellent motivational tool. I was able to recognise that I have come a long way and I am on the right path with my spiritual practice. The second realisation is that I am equipped to assist others in their journey of awakening.
When I first began meditating at the Ashram, there was a covert norm that becoming ‘enlightened’ is a really difficult thing to do; it was only for the masters and you wouldn’t be able to achieve it in this lifetime. However, I have come to learn that awakening is for everyone. Anyone can become lighter. Each moment of ‘enlightenment’ brings you closer to who you really are, helps you heal and allows you to experience more joy in your moments.
No moment of awakening is ever lost. As you begin this process, there may be challenges but you never lose what you have gained. The path of awakening has been the most harrowing and the most rewarding journey I have ever embarked upon.
In this moment, connected with the magnificence that you are, aware of the continuity of your being, you are deeply enriched. You sense the intelligent benevolence of the manifested universe underpinning your very being. As you settle into your moments, intensely present and utterly enriched, a profound peace emerges. You know there is nothing in this world that could ever add to all that you already are. You are complete.
This is true abundance; it is true joy. It is beyond the forms of this world that come and go. You are no longer at the mercy of the manifested world; the world of loss and gain and of happiness and sadness. Yes, you can feel your human emotions but you embrace what life brings to you right now and now and now. You lean into your experience and accept what emerges, as if it is a gift. And then life works for you and moves to support you. You sense the support of the most intelligent and loving force in the universe and you know you are inseparable from that. This is the most worthwhile journey of all.
If you would like support on your journey of awakening, please send me a message via hello@rachelblacker.com.au or via the contact page on this web site. I look forward to chatting with you. Thank you for reading.
